I fear leaving my daughters and husband for 6-8 weeks.
I fear being in a foreign country alone without my husband.
I fear not being able to handle all the responsibility of handling money, legal stuff, court stuff, paying our driver, and traveling home on my own.
I fear something happening out of "my control" and everything falling apart.
I fear Levi getting sicker or something happening to him before we get him home.
and then I even fear ridiculous things like packing for Levi and everything I bring being too small or too big or him not liking the formula I bring, or the bottles, or the baby food, or snacks. Or not getting every little thing done around the house I *think* I need to.
Some of these things are legitimate concerns on some level but lets just get down to it... I can not control any of it and me worrying about it just shows my lack of faith. I know in my head that the Lord already has each step laid before me. The word is clear I can REST knowing He guides me BUT how often do my actions and motives fail to reflect that?
Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear; Though war may rise against me, In this I will be confident. Psalm 27:3
Lately I have felt like an Army has been rising against us. So many things feel crazy right now. We have some big trials that have been added to the regular old adoption stuff and it just feels like the "odds" are against us. BUT...
I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
OK so I can't say I am totally there yet (freed from all my fears) but I can rest knowing God is my stronghold, He knows the future and is working in my heart and life to sanctify me and move me closer to that place.