Random Honesty

To be honest, I have tried to blog numerous times lately and haven't gotten really far. I still have memories and experiences from Uganda that I want to write about but so far I just have multiple halfway written posts. I am having such a hard time putting to words all that I saw and how I feel now.  I need to just do it and get it out because I don't want to forget anything. 


I have so many random thoughts bouncing around my head on a daily basis. Some that stick out are: 


"How did we get here? How can I "undo" everything we have collected and come accustom to over the past 8+ years?" 


"Do you know how many kids Moses or Ernest would have living with them if they had this size of a house?!?"  


"It's ridiculous that I have so many clothes that I get mad at it when there are people with none." 


"Nobody needs enough clothes for a month, I think I could not do laundry for a month a be just fine. Ugh." 


"Why do we waste so much precious time when there is a world dying with out Christ out there? What am I doing about it?!?" 


"Just show me where in the bible it says that being in debt to a bank for a home loan is OK, show me. And what are we going to do about it?!?" 


" I want to be ready to GO where ever He calls us. What are we going to do to get to that place?" 


"How many things do I label "blessings" that He would call "stumbling blocks". 


"Am I causing my kids to stumble? Am I instilling in them the same struggles that I hate in myself? Love of stuff, finding comfort in the things of this world."


"Why do I waste so much time, effort, and money on things that have no eternal value?" 


"Can we just bow out of the whole Christmas scene this year, it hurts to think about..."


"We have more shoes for my daughter who doesn't even walk than many children around the world will EVER own." 


"Where am I finding my rest, where is my comfort? Christ should be my answer both in word and action." 


"I don't want to bring children into our home and corrupt them with the American dream."  


"God has given the world all the resources we need but we aren't distributing it. We are hoarding it for ourselves while we call it blessings." -this is a big one...


Please understand I am not trying to just be negative... I never want to stop working through these things. God is doing some amazing things and I believe as our family works through these above questions and statements together and we seek Gods will He is going to grow us even more. I just want more of Him. I was told recently that I have no balance and honestly I never want to...